


Reasons

by glaivenoct



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26734756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glaivenoct/pseuds/glaivenoct
Summary: Noctis doesn't always open up about his nightmares, but when he does, Nyx is ready to listen.
Relationships: Noctis Lucis Caelum/Nyx Ulric
Comments: 13
Kudos: 30
Collections: NyxNoct Week 2020





	Reasons

“I hate when people say ‘I would die for you’.”

The weight in Noctis’ voice sounds as if he’s held on to the edge of a cliff for hours upon hours until his fingers ache, his muscles plea for relief, and he’s so tired that he’s left with no other choice but to let go; surrendering to the freedom and the terror of the freefall. His arm is slung across Nyx’s bare waist, clinging like it’s the last thing he has left to hold on to. That tells Nyx the nightmare that startled his prince awake over an hour ago has yet to allow his head a moment’s respite. While the exhaustion behind his every word is undeniable, it’s no match for the sleep depriving phantom that keeps him cornered in a state of anxiety. 

The soft blue light of the wall pools into Nyx’s dark apartment like an ethereal fog, peeking between the bars from the window above the bed. It illuminates them in parallel ribbons, exposing the half of Noctis’ face that isn’t tucked against the warmth of Nyx’s chest.

Of all the sounds he could wake up to, Nyx has determined that the sound of Noctis struggling to breathe is his least favorite. It took a lot of touch, some coaching through breathing patterns he’d learned over the years, and a silly joke or two to anchor Noct back down to Eos. They’ve been glued to each other ever since, silent and fatigued like they’ve been awake for days instead of hours. 

Nyx traces absent little patterns on Noctis’ shoulder knowing full well that touch is one of the best ways to keep him grounded on nights such as these. Gentle and graceful like meticulous, spiraling brush strokes. Meticulous little reminders that the nightmares aren’t real. That all Noct needs to know is that Nyx is here and standing guard for him.

“I don’t want anyone to die for me.”

“That the nightmare?”

Hiding his face, Noctis mutters a quiet “It was you.”

Nyx halts the slow stroke of his fingers. He didn’t expect an answer, because Noctis doesn’t always open up about nightmares, but when he does, Nyx is ready to listen. He tells him as much by squeezing him closer. Noct peeks at him, face painted once more by the light of the wall. 

“Niflheim attacked and had us cornered,” he says, voice tired. “You were going to sacrifice yourself, and I begged you not to. You smiled at me like you were sad. Kissed me like it was the last time you ever would. Then you said it would all be okay because you loved me no matter what and you would die for me.”

“Noct - ”

“I couldn’t stop you. Couldn’t save you either.”

“It was just a dream, Noct.”

“It’s not the first time.” He clarifies, tensing in Nyx’s arms to the point where he starts trembling. “Sometimes it’s my dad, or one of the guys or Luna. The scenarios are different but they all end the same way. Someone sacrifices themself for me when I never asked them to and I hate it. I don’t want anyone to die for me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. I don’t want…”

Noctis pauses like he’ll choke on the words if he continues, but Nyx thinks he understands completely. Thinks he hears his own phantoms of the past echoing the rest of it back to his brain. A direct recall back to the days he struggled to come to terms with the loss of Selena.

_ I don’t want to be left behind _ .

Left behind to pick up the pieces of a tragedy. Left behind with the devastating task of learning acceptance. Left behind to face the daunting journey of healing alone. While his little sister never intentionally left him behind, he can’t imagine the severity of pain and bitterness if she had.

Sacrifice. The concept has never quite posed a moral dilemma for Nyx. Sacrifice, as a member of the Kingsglaive, is met with respect beyond the grief. Sacrifice is another reason to fight. To honor the most honorable. Were it to come down to it, Nyx thinks he’d sacrifice himself in a heartbeat if it meant saving Noctis’ life. If it meant paving the way for the greater good.

But he’d absolutely destroy Noctis if he did that. If he left him behind. 

Nyx knows the burden of being a survivor all too well. He remembers the days it felt like he’d fallen so far down the pit that he thought he wouldn’t survive. Even now, when time has numbed the worst of his old sorrows, the irritating sting of tears assaults the corner of his eyes as he reminisces on it.

He doesn’t wish that grief on anyone. He  _ loathes  _ the idea of Noctis going through it, or simply being haunted by it in his dreams. Perhaps, sacrifice isn’t as black and white as he previously thought. Perhaps the sentiment of  _ I’d die for you  _ is nothing more than treading along the unforgiving edge of a sword. 

Nyx swallows and lets his eyes fall shut. He wraps his other arm around Noctis to envelope him completely, squeezing him close so there isn’t as much as an inch of space between them. 

“Hey,” Nyx whispers as he feels Noct curling further into him, shaky breaths heating his skin. “Listen to me. It was just a bad dream, and it’s not one I’ll let come true. You know why?”

Noctis looks at Nyx with tearful, bloodshot eyes.

“Because at the end of the day, if I’m out in the field or just killing time on the gate watch, all I want to do is come home to you. I’m not going to let myself lose sight of that. I love you, little king, and I’m always going to do everything in my power to  _ live  _ for you.”

With that one promise, with Nyx peering into his eyes like nothing else outside of these barren walls matters, like they’re the only two people in the universe, Noctis lets his walls down completely. The tears fill his eyes to the brim, and he huffs against Nyx’s skin, struggling to find his words.

Nyx doesn’t need him to say anything. So long as he can sense the relief washing over Noct as he steadily goes slack in his arms. As long as he can feel the way Noctis clings to him tighter, Nyx can easily discern his gratitude.

One of the most beautiful things about Noctis is his heart. His divinely golden heart that, despite seeming larger than life, is not to be handled without care and consideration. He loves deeply and conveys it in subtle ways that only those closest to him may recognize. He holds himself to the highest standards if it means doing his loved ones proud, making them happy or keeping them safe. Where he struggles to find strength in himself some days, he finds it in them.

Without them… well, Nyx is familiar with how paralyzing it can be. If that means he looks at the notion of sacrifice under a new light, for the sake of safeguarding Noctis’ benevolent heart, then so be it. 

Nyx decides ‘ _ I would live for you _ ’ sounds much better than ‘ _ I would die for you _ ’ anyway. He buries his nose in Noct’s hair and presses his lips firmly against his scalp. Tears wet his chest, and though Nyx knows they aren’t entirely sad, he can’t ignore the desire to put an end to them. 

“Want to know another reason why I’d live for you?”

“Hm?” Noctis sniffles, and Nyx makes sure to whisper right into his ear.

“So you can keep grabbing my butt when I come back from missions and tell me how much you missed it.”

The muffled sound that comes out of Noctis is definitely a laugh. An abrupt, breathy laugh that has Noct quivering in his arms for a much better reason. Nyx grins at the sensation against his chest, at the sight of Noct lifting his head to look at him. His cheeks are marked by trails of tears and there’s still a distinct glisten in his eyes, but he’s smiling. He’s smiling and looking at Nyx like he’s an idiot exactly as it should be. 

“And  _ that _ ,” Nyx sighs in content, closing his eyes to embrace the sound of Noct’s subsiding laughter. “I’d live through hordes of MTs to hear that again.” 

Rather, he resorts to digging his fingers into the ticklish spot above Noctis’ hip to do so. Noct arches against him with a yelp that devolves into helpless giggles. Nyx joins him in the hysterics, enamored by the way Noct wavers on top of him, one side to the other in an effort to escape his tactics. Nyx rolls to the left with him, dumping him into the mattress and leaving him to squirm. 

“This.” Nyx stops the assault to bring his hand beneath Noct’s chin. While Noct works to catch his breath, Nyx strokes his thumb at the corner of his mouth. “I’d live through about anything to see this, and to do this.”

He leans in and catches the last notes of Noctis’ laughter with his lips, stifling the sweet sound into a relaxed hum. He kisses the corner of his mouth next, his cheek where the trail of previous tears are still visible. When he pulls away, he finds Noctis sobered, but suddenly with stars in his eyes. 

“So don’t let that dream get to you, little king. I’ve got more than enough reasons to live for you.”

Noctis nods at him slowly with a yielding smile. His eyes roam Nyx’s face as if he means to say something or is still searching for the right words. Fingers trace the scruffy edges of Nyx’s jaw, up and behind his ear. They find that pair of braids and tug them gently, and it’s enough of a  _ Thank you  _ for Nyx to understand. Enough for Nyx to smile and hug Noct to his chest again.

Noctis tucks his head beneath Nyx’s chin and lets out a long breath that says his head and heart are finally at ease. Only when Noctis has fallen into a deep, peaceful sleep does Nyx allow himself to do the same. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally supposed to turn into something entirely different and more along the lines of the "injury" prompt. I ended up with this instead ^^;
> 
> Still love to hear your thoughts! <3


End file.
